Nights like this make me wonder if I missed the only opportunity I had, jumped right past the life that could have been . I’ve spent time and time again convincing myself(and the people around me) that we are good enough, that we are worthy, that I am more than the person the world sees me as. And all it takes is a minute for something to trip me up and land me back in disbelief and disdain. The cycle repeats, in no particular order. Whether to do with looks, or talent, or intellect, or all of the above, they slide back under my security blanket and lie with me, stripping me of almost everything I have spent just, almost my whole life fighting for and against. This might sound marginally self-defeatist, or it might just sound terribly awkward(which then suggests actually perhaps you haven’t got it all together although you think you do), but this is just me, being honest and real and vulnerable on a website few friends read and many strangers prance through, cos’ I tend to figure myself out better through written(typed) text as compared to waves and waves of wild thoughts that tumble around in the wide meadows in my brain and never seem to stop to take a breath. Goodnight.
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